Why I Didn't Say

Most people never knew I was experiencing debilitating pain and fatigue.  Some have even expressed guilt as if they should have seen it, or frustration that I didn't talk about it.
I did talk about it...just not often.  Here's why.

• Nobody likes a whiner.
• Experience says most people won't believe or understand.
• I want what I say to be positive, encouraging, or at the very least, funny.
• I couldn't escape the anguish but I had the power to ignore it in conversation.
• The problem is so complex that the thought of trying to explain it seems overwhelming.
• Talking about it makes it "bigger".
• If I have time and energy to explain how I feel, I'd rather use it for something beneficial to my family.
• No matter how incapacitated I feel, the joy and hope I have in Christ Jesus is actually greater.

If you've been a friend but you didn't see the pain, ditch the guilt.  Nobody but God knows everything there is to know about anyone.  Just continue being a friend.
Having a diagnosis, an explanation for my inability to function at full capacity, is liberating.  It's not a psychological problem.  I don't have to explain how I feel, but you can get a pretty good idea if you visit  http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/ or read the articles and forums that come up if you Google "tired all the time".
I talk about it now because I can offer support to the "invisibly ill", and possibly even help them to be understood by the healthy population.  It's not all in our heads, people.  This is real.

Treatment Plan

The naturopath said, "I think we can safely say you are beyond Adrenal Fatigue, into Adrenal Exhaustion."  Treatment plan:

• Megadose of multivitamins with minerals
• Quality filtered fish oil
• Herbal adrenal support syrup
• Vitamin D

I had taken to my appointment all the supplements I was taking at the time so the naturopath could look at them herself, and this is what she told me about them, as closely as I can recall.

• Multivitamin tablets: capsules are usually made with fresher ingredients therefore more beneficial, whereas tablets are generally older ingredients pressed together and often not digested or absorbed well by the body.
• Cod liver oil capsules: unless you're sure they're a high quality filtered fish oil, they could actually be harmful because of mercury and/or other pollutants.   (She actually asked my permission to throw them away, which she did on the spot.)
• Colloidal minerals: I wouldn't need them if I took the multivitamin she prescribed because it would contain the minerals.
• Adrenal capsules: I wouldn't need those either if I took the herbal adrenal support syrup she recommended.

Besides learning those things, I also read in internet articles that self-medicating can actually prevent the body from healing, either from under-dosing so the adrenals don't get the help they need, or over-dosing so the adrenals depend on the supplements and won't start producing for themselves.  A professional can diagnose an individual's specific needs, prescribe accordingly, and monitor to make necessary changes.
Meanwhile, I quit my massage practice because I was too out of breath (especially if a client wanted to converse), my heart beat too hard to keep up, my muscle strength would just give out so I couldn't do the work, and I couldn't stay awake through a one-hour massage.  I would literally give a massage with my eyes closed.  My clients would get off the table at the end of a session feeling so relaxed they would say, "Ahh, I'm going to go home and take a nap!"  Little did they know I did exactly that myself--for the entire rest of the day.

Doctors Say I'm Fine

Only in my thirties and living a pretty decent lifestyle I shouldn't feel like my heart would give out at any moment, but I finally resorted to researching my symptoms on Google because the doctor said I was healthy.  I wanted to be healthy, but I LIVE in this body, and I'm telling you, THIS is NOT HEALTHY.
I was exhausted all the time, not just "I don't feel like getting up," but "I CAN'T get up."  It was a major effort to get out of bed, to take a shower, to stand up off the couch, to get out of the car.  Exercise wasn't even possible most of the time.
I felt hungry all the time but everything I ate either made me sick to my stomach or gave me abdominal cramps.
I couldn't sleep when I needed to sleep and I couldn't stay awake when I needed to be awake.  I literally pinched myself or bit my lip to stay awake at work, through church, in meetings, and while driving.  All day I prayed for bedtime to come, and all night I'd pray for morning.
Every bone, muscle, ligament, tendon, organ, and joint in my body ached and burned, all the time.  I couldn't live on pain killers, but what COULD I do?
My face was constantly broken out.  My neck always felt swollen.  I had migraines, sinus headaches, chronic colds and sinus infections, heart palpitations, and constant back-neck-shoulder pain. 
My mind was so foggy that even reading was impossible.  By the time I got to the end of a paragraph or even a sentence I had forgotten what the first part said.  Trying to hold my household and family together and keep up with social obligations (while I looked fine but felt miserable) was a huge mental tax.
I'd tried multivitamins, minerals, cod liver oil, resetting my internal body clock, sleeping more often, working harder, exercise, yoga, coffee, Red Bull, blood tests for hormone levels, ignoring the pain, giving in to the pain, and nothing helped except Vicodin.  (Now I see how soccer moms turn addicts.)
After quietly living my whole life like this, I started searching the internet to try to find out why I was so tired all the time.  The answer I kept finding was adrenal exhaustion.  Then my mom took me to her naturopath, who diagnosed me with exactly that.  She said there is hope for full recovery.  And she said it's going to take a long time.