If I don't eat, I get hypoglycemic. If you don't know what that feels like, think flu. Tremors, headache, dizziness, fatigue, dry mouth, delirium, light-headedness, nausea. None of that is sudden, it starts out all sneaky-like so it's hardly noticeable, and gains in intensity until it feels like I'll collapse. To avoid this, I try to eat at least every three to four hours.
When I do eat, I usually feel like I'm going to throw up. I often feel extremely sleepy after eating, even if I didn't eat very much. All that sort of takes the fun out of eating out or having dinner with friends.
When I eat dairy products, fats, and/or sugars I get abdominal cramps, and when I
don't eat them I feel constantly hungry and often hypoglycemic.
What I should be eating is as natural and organic as possible, which is first expensive and second time-consuming to prepare. If I'm too tired to work I can't afford organic food, and if I'm working I'm too tired for all the prep work involved in healthy eating, but the alternative is prepackaged lack of nutrition which is not going to aid in recovery.
Frustrating, to say the least. Besides all that, if everything I eat is
going to make me nauseous and give me a stomach ache and indigestion
but I must eat to stay alive...it had better taste good.
More frustration has arisen from the slow but steady gains in weight and belly blubber, when my heart isn't strong enough to tolerate exercise, I don't have a budget that allows for constantly buying bigger clothes, and diet changes seem impossible.
So I resorted to my motto, "I do what I can", and my plan of attack has been something like this.
1. Take the prescribed supplements at the prescribed times.
2. Eat something, it doesn't matter what, for breakfast within an hour or two of getting up.
3. Eat something, it doesn't matter what, for lunch.
4. Eat something, it doesn't matter what, for supper.
5. Remember this is what I can do now, and trust that I'll be able to do more later.
I kept telling myself I would eventually have enough energy to pay closer attention to my diet. It turns out that was true. I've been able to muster enough energy in past months to grow and preserve a lot of my own food. I do most of the cooking now instead of my teenagers having to fend for themselves. And a good friend hooked me up with a CSA. http://www.cloudviewecofarm.org/
I haven't been able to do much of anything this summer and fall besides gardening and canning, but it was more than I was able to do last year.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Tradeoff
I seem to be trading off between having a little bit of energy but having deep sharp aches and pains in my joints and muscles, and having milder body aches but feeling drained and breathless. While I would love to have boundless energy with no pain, this arrangement is much better than intense pain with a complete lack of energy. I've done that before and I hope I never have to again.
For a month or so I've been in the mild pain but absence of energy mode. It's so frustrating with the holidays coming because there are so many holiday preparations I want to do (not to mention yard cleanup and winterization) but I have to skip them in favor of the everyday basics--cooking, dishes, laundry, helping with homework.
I do have my children help as much as possible but they have their own chores, jobs, and studies to do too, not to mention their friendships and hobbies, which I believe are just as important. Teenagers need downtime too.
My disappointment at having to skip some holiday activities isn't about meeting anyone's expectations or being perfectionistic. We enjoy the holidays no matter how we spend them. The disappointment is from skipping some of the simplest traditions, things I love to do, because I'm just too tired, and knowing that if I felt better, I could have kept them.
I've slept through the Christmas movies. I've watched the girls decorate the sugar cookies by themselves because I'm too tired to participate. I've said no over and over again to helping build the snowman because I can't handle the cold.
This year might be better. We're still a few weeks away from Christmas. And I'm not as sensitive to cold as I have always been before. I might still sleep through family holiday movie nights, but if we have snow, maybe I'll be able to pitch (and take) a couple of snowballs. Canning season is almost over, so I might have more energy by Christmas time, and, after this canning season, we have plenty of the very best for our holiday feasts.
For a month or so I've been in the mild pain but absence of energy mode. It's so frustrating with the holidays coming because there are so many holiday preparations I want to do (not to mention yard cleanup and winterization) but I have to skip them in favor of the everyday basics--cooking, dishes, laundry, helping with homework.
I do have my children help as much as possible but they have their own chores, jobs, and studies to do too, not to mention their friendships and hobbies, which I believe are just as important. Teenagers need downtime too.
My disappointment at having to skip some holiday activities isn't about meeting anyone's expectations or being perfectionistic. We enjoy the holidays no matter how we spend them. The disappointment is from skipping some of the simplest traditions, things I love to do, because I'm just too tired, and knowing that if I felt better, I could have kept them.
I've slept through the Christmas movies. I've watched the girls decorate the sugar cookies by themselves because I'm too tired to participate. I've said no over and over again to helping build the snowman because I can't handle the cold.
This year might be better. We're still a few weeks away from Christmas. And I'm not as sensitive to cold as I have always been before. I might still sleep through family holiday movie nights, but if we have snow, maybe I'll be able to pitch (and take) a couple of snowballs. Canning season is almost over, so I might have more energy by Christmas time, and, after this canning season, we have plenty of the very best for our holiday feasts.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Skullthrob
It comes on so slowly I barely notice, and when I do notice the pain is pretty dull and I tell myself it'll go away if I take some rest, or if I ignore it, or if I drink water, or if I get some exercise, but the pain only intensifies until I'm trying not to budge because every little movement turns the throb into a stab.
Every sound, every light, every movement in my line of vision, is another stab. The vibration from using my own voice exacerbates it. It feels like I've taken a baseball bat to the forehead, or a Sisera-style stake through the temple. Ibuprofen may or may not touch it.
Ironically, the almost-subconscious attempts to keep still to avoid more pain, put the neck muscles into spasm which aggravates the headache.
If I knew what starts the pain in the first place, I could avoid it. Since I don't know what sets it off, I hesitate to commit to anything because I don't want to have to back out or to fake my way through if I get a headache. I would love to spend the day with a friend, have company, go shopping, take a class, or volunteer, but if a headache comes on in the middle of it, I'm finished.
The headache itself is bad enough, but when it finally leaves--whether it's the next day or three days later--I feel weak and wobbly like Jell-O and I usually have several days' worth of catching up on housework and paperwork piled up that I couldn't get through while my head was pounding. I'd love to delegate, but who else knows how to pay my bills or run my household? And who has the time?
Last night I was blessed enough to have my husband home and not too tired to clean up the kitchen for me after dinner so I didn't have to excavate the counter tops before breakfast this morning. Today I was blessed enough that ibuprofen knocked the ache back.
Headaches have grown less frequent. Nine months into adrenal fatigue recovery I'm happy to report that I'm no longer freezing cold all the time, I'm generally sleeping well at night, and I'm able to get up in the mornings. I haven't had a migraine since I quit working under fluorescent lights every day. (The migraines were even more fun than these headaches.) I focus on those advances when I'm struggling with body aches, joint pain, shortness of breath, sudden sleepiness, abdominal cramps, heart palpitations, excessive sweating, muscle fatigue, brain fog, eyes burning, sinus pressure, the now-rare headache, or other adrenal-related symptom. I have hope.
Every sound, every light, every movement in my line of vision, is another stab. The vibration from using my own voice exacerbates it. It feels like I've taken a baseball bat to the forehead, or a Sisera-style stake through the temple. Ibuprofen may or may not touch it.
Ironically, the almost-subconscious attempts to keep still to avoid more pain, put the neck muscles into spasm which aggravates the headache.
If I knew what starts the pain in the first place, I could avoid it. Since I don't know what sets it off, I hesitate to commit to anything because I don't want to have to back out or to fake my way through if I get a headache. I would love to spend the day with a friend, have company, go shopping, take a class, or volunteer, but if a headache comes on in the middle of it, I'm finished.
The headache itself is bad enough, but when it finally leaves--whether it's the next day or three days later--I feel weak and wobbly like Jell-O and I usually have several days' worth of catching up on housework and paperwork piled up that I couldn't get through while my head was pounding. I'd love to delegate, but who else knows how to pay my bills or run my household? And who has the time?
Last night I was blessed enough to have my husband home and not too tired to clean up the kitchen for me after dinner so I didn't have to excavate the counter tops before breakfast this morning. Today I was blessed enough that ibuprofen knocked the ache back.
Headaches have grown less frequent. Nine months into adrenal fatigue recovery I'm happy to report that I'm no longer freezing cold all the time, I'm generally sleeping well at night, and I'm able to get up in the mornings. I haven't had a migraine since I quit working under fluorescent lights every day. (The migraines were even more fun than these headaches.) I focus on those advances when I'm struggling with body aches, joint pain, shortness of breath, sudden sleepiness, abdominal cramps, heart palpitations, excessive sweating, muscle fatigue, brain fog, eyes burning, sinus pressure, the now-rare headache, or other adrenal-related symptom. I have hope.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
To Catch My Breath
People used to say to me, "That's an awfully deep sigh," or "What's the matter?" Usually I didn't even realize I was taking deep breaths, which apparently made me seem frustrated. Most of the time I was quite content and happy, I was just trying to get enough breath.
As a newlywed my husband often asked me what was wrong. When I would assure him that nothing was wrong, because he was convinced I was upset he would press to get an answer until I really was upset. Looking back I understand that I was taking deep breaths and he thought I was being huffy. He was accustomed to people with turbulent emotions and I wasn't one of those. It took a almost a decade for him to understand that I was just breathing.
Eventually I learned to wait till no one was looking to catch my breath, and inhale quickly and quietly to avoid appearing irritated.
A couple of years ago I suddenly started feeling like I couldn't get enough breath even with a deep sigh. I was alone at work, Googling "feels like I can't breathe" and "can't get enough breath" because I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to move freight and count inventory and I was afraid I would pass out in the warehouse because I couldn't breathe. That went on for over a week. Several days later it started again. The only advice I could find on the world wide web was to try not to think about it. Yes, next time you feel like you're suffocating, just try to forget it.
I didn't bother going to the doctor because I figured I'd get some kind of non-diagnosis like "anxiety attack" and a prescription I didn't need. I understood that anxiety attacks are real, but I also knew that wasn't the cause in my case. A fix would be great, but I wanted to know why this was happening. I wondered if I had walking pneumonia, but the symptoms didn't match up. I wouldn't recommend the internet as a physician, but I didn't have time and money to waste on health care I didn't trust. I knew I was getting enough oxygen because I wasn't turning blue, but I needed to know what was wrong.
After my naturopath diagnosed adrenal exhaustion, I started finding references to shortness of breath being associated with adrenal fatigue. http://www.adrenalfatigueblog.com/2011/07/shortness-of-breath-adrenal-fatigue-syndrome/ It's been months since the last time I experienced that suffocating feeling. I still have to take deep breaths often. If you catch me sighing, don't presume I'm sullen. I'm just trying to stay alive. I have a lot of great reasons to.
As a newlywed my husband often asked me what was wrong. When I would assure him that nothing was wrong, because he was convinced I was upset he would press to get an answer until I really was upset. Looking back I understand that I was taking deep breaths and he thought I was being huffy. He was accustomed to people with turbulent emotions and I wasn't one of those. It took a almost a decade for him to understand that I was just breathing.
Eventually I learned to wait till no one was looking to catch my breath, and inhale quickly and quietly to avoid appearing irritated.
A couple of years ago I suddenly started feeling like I couldn't get enough breath even with a deep sigh. I was alone at work, Googling "feels like I can't breathe" and "can't get enough breath" because I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to move freight and count inventory and I was afraid I would pass out in the warehouse because I couldn't breathe. That went on for over a week. Several days later it started again. The only advice I could find on the world wide web was to try not to think about it. Yes, next time you feel like you're suffocating, just try to forget it.
I didn't bother going to the doctor because I figured I'd get some kind of non-diagnosis like "anxiety attack" and a prescription I didn't need. I understood that anxiety attacks are real, but I also knew that wasn't the cause in my case. A fix would be great, but I wanted to know why this was happening. I wondered if I had walking pneumonia, but the symptoms didn't match up. I wouldn't recommend the internet as a physician, but I didn't have time and money to waste on health care I didn't trust. I knew I was getting enough oxygen because I wasn't turning blue, but I needed to know what was wrong.
After my naturopath diagnosed adrenal exhaustion, I started finding references to shortness of breath being associated with adrenal fatigue. http://www.adrenalfatigueblog.com/2011/07/shortness-of-breath-adrenal-fatigue-syndrome/ It's been months since the last time I experienced that suffocating feeling. I still have to take deep breaths often. If you catch me sighing, don't presume I'm sullen. I'm just trying to stay alive. I have a lot of great reasons to.
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