I have a sort of phobia about any event that will take me away from home, last very long, or require effort, because I never know when I will suddenly and inexplicably become incredibly and uncontrollably sleepy. We're not talking about the kind of sleepy you can shake off by moving around or talking.
It doesn't matter whether I slept well last night (which for years I didn't). What time I go to bed or get up makes no difference. No amount of coffee, energy drinks, or exercise can stave it off.
It isn't laziness.
It isn't depression.
I researched narcolepsy some time ago but it wasn't feasible to get myself tested, and the treatment plans I read about were common-sense self-care ideas I already used or prescription drugs I didn't want.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001805/
The two most heartbreaking side effects of sudden sleepiness are not being able to follow through with activities I want to engage in, particularly with people I love, and being presumed snobbish or rude. I can feel myself starting to fade, I lose the ability to focus on conversation, my muscle strength disappears, and I have to intentionally maintain a pleasant facial expression because I apparently look angry or upset if I don't. It's hard to hold your face up when you're sleeping.
I wish I could hold a couple of jobs. I love working, I like people, and I enjoy busyness. I want to get up early every morning. I love to stay up late at night. I take joy in accomplishing things. I'd love to take classes, and teach classes, and learn new things. But I can't depend on my own self.
It was a huge relief to learn about adrenal exhaustion, to understand why I couldn't stay awake, and to find out I can recover from adrenal exhaustion, whereas narcolepsy would have been a lifelong condition. I'm happy I'm not a narcoleptic, but let me tell you, I can identify with one.
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